The seemingly warm greeting created a slight ripple in Vivian’s eyes. After looking down to check her shabby uniform, she could no longer meet Edwin’s affectionate gaze.
“Did you miss me?”
The ticklish question mixed with a soft laugh was unsettling. As if they had shared a deep affection, she first searched for the poison hidden behind the sweet traces.
“Um, well, I, I…”
“When someone I hate enough to want to kill is out of sight, I tend to miss them. That’s why I’m glad to see you, Miss Eveline.”
Her deeply lowered head raised halfway. Through that gap, she carefully examined Vivian’s face.
The skin that used to shine so pale was slightly tanned by the sun. The young lady who had grown up delicately now wore an extremely haggard expression after three weeks of hard labor. Because of this, her skin, which should have looked healthy, produced the opposite effect.
“I… don’t hate you enough to want to kill you, Your Grace…”
The cheeks that had been full until she left Rodinia had slimmed down a bit. As she clicked her tongue, Vivian raised her head completely.
She thought her hands would fidget as if asking to be looked at, scratched and wounded, but as soon as Edwin’s eyes fell on them, one hand covered the back of the other. Not that it hid the scars on the covered side.
Edwin’s cold eyes trailed from her hands up her slender arms to her ash-gray eyes filled with fatigue. The cheeks that had been as red as summer berries had already cooled down.
Today’s appearance revealed the trajectory of the past three weeks.
Edwin finished his appraisal and defined Vivian. A quiet stillness seeped into Vivian, who blinked her eyes as if embarrassed.
As his attitude, which had been surprisingly cheerful, turned cold, Vivian felt like crying. Every time her rolling gaze touched her uniform, her toes curled, and heat rose again to her cooled cheeks.
Vivian just wanted to run away to a place where his gaze couldn’t reach.
“Is the work manageable? I’ve heard. That you’re performing your duties better than expected.”
A small lantern lit up on the endless night road. Rather than enduring his cold blue eyes, even engaging in trivial conversation was a way to breathe fresh air.
“Thanks to you, Your Grace, I seem to be learning and realizing a lot. I’m truly grateful that you employed me as a servant, Your Grace.”
The movement of bending her straight back was as graceful and beautiful as the gentle waves on a calm lake surface. No matter that she wore a servant’s uniform and stood there in a disheveled state, the name of her noble bloodline could not be erased.
“You must have heard from Abernathy, but I’ve left a way out for you to return. Then I’ll help Miss Eveline maintain her dignity as a noble.”
Though he persuaded and tempted with a gentle voice, her firm ash-gray eyes shone even more clearly.
“I’ve already erased my dignity and face as a noble, as well as past glories. I don’t intend to look back. I will move forward.”
Her earnest maturity elicited a chuckle.
Eveline seemed to lack learning ability. Despite recognizing what the other person wanted, deliberately ignoring and disregarding it was a mockery towards the other party.
Showing the will not to submit provoked a desire to break her.
But Edwin had no intention of breaking this innocent woman.
Vivian said she had abandoned everything as a noble, but traces of a noble young lady remained in just the gesture of bowing her waist. Eveline, who had not yet seen true hell, seemed to have enough composure to protect noble things.
14 years ago, if there had been an easy path, he would have gladly chosen it. You cannot understand my world, my realm, where I fought for survival every day.
He hoped that the lofty Eveline, who couldn’t even imagine it, would crumble on her own.
Edwin’s eyes deepened. Under the sunlight streaming through the bars, the clearer Vivian shone, the more pronounced became her darkened face, the shadows under her eyelids, and the clear wounds on the back of her hands.
“Alright. Go ahead. It’s obvious where Miss Eveline wants to go.”
Along with the blatant sarcasm, his lips curved gently. Vivian was not swayed by this. It was bitter, but that was all. Rather, Vivian’s plump lips parted with a dry smile.
“Thank you so much. I’ll do my best from now on. So that I can repay Your Grace’s debt as soon as possible.”
Vivian, who said she wouldn’t regret what happened 14 years ago, said she would keep her promise through death. So he wanted to ask.
Why don’t you beg me? Why don’t you plead for your life? If I tell you to live, you who have accepted death, will you struggle to survive with all your might?
But the questions that had risen to Edwin’s consciousness were ruthlessly shattered in his hand.
Such inquiries were meaningless. No one would question a living corpse.
***
Charlotte’s eyes glistened emptily as she put down Baron Zimmerman’s letter with a heavy sigh.
After leaving Rodinia, Baron Zimmerman wrote without fail once a week. If the contents of those letters had been love confessions burdensome enough to make one frown, there wouldn’t have been such pain.
As Edwin said, as Vivian said, Baron Zimmerman was a good person.
If she became the wife of such a man, she could expect to face a future full of happiness in warm and comfortable love for the rest of her life.
But she lacked the ability, self, and motivation to break the stone-like emotion that remained in one place.
“Merian. What is His Grace doing now?”
He who had left Rodinia returned after three weeks. Although she deliberately didn’t go out to greet him, he didn’t even pretend to look for her. Charlotte, feeling incredibly downcast, sat sprawled out ungracefully, feeling all strength leave her body.
“As soon as he arrived at the mansion, he summoned Eveline and is probably with her now. Sigh. How can there be no one to seduce His Grace? His Grace, who’s like an iron fortress! Eveline must not be human. She must be a fox in human disguise!”
Merian raised her voice gradually and raged. Charlotte, who lacked the strength to react, could only laugh dejectedly.
As soon as he returned to Rodinia, the one he sought was Vivian Eveline.
Vivian Eveline, whom he had only known for a few months, came before Charlotte Windler, with whom he had spent a long time. From that choice, she inferred that Vivian was special to Edwin.
Then why did His Grace make Vivian Eveline a maid?
According to what she heard from Merian, Vivian was taking on the most grueling and difficult tasks, and her appearance had become a wreck to the point of erasing the fact that she was once a noble.
If Vivian was a special person to Edwin, he would have dissuaded her again even if she had the audacity to try to earn money. If it was a relationship bound simply by the intersection of debt, and Vivian, unable to repay the debt, was being utilized as labor, that wasn’t like Edwin.
It was difficult to fathom Edwin’s innermost thoughts without context.
As she pressed her throbbing temples, Merian came over to support her. She laid the staggering Charlotte on the bed and rattled off words of comfort.
What exactly were these two? Why did they keep each other close while treating each other as if they were nothing?
As each of these question marks became clearer, unrefined selfish feelings rose like smoke.
“Miss, don’t worry at all. Eveline will soon leave the mansion. I can guarantee it. All the servants in the mansion are on your side. Eveline might already be planning to run away, you know?”
Charlotte turned her back on the giggling laughter and followed a speck of dust floating about. The feelings of disappointment and vague emotions resembled a single grain of dust lonely drifting in the void. Then, upon seeing Vivian’s gift box beyond, her lips tensed up. She firmly held back the tears that were about to burst forth.
The reason I resent you so much is that you make me feel incredibly small.
Your kindness in comforting me gently even when I treated you badly made me feel like a wretched person. I tried to shame you and hurt you, but it was I who felt ashamed and hurt.
“Miss wouldn’t know. How many interesting sights there are every day. I’d like to show you, but it’s better not to see the rough things. So don’t worry. I will surely fulfill your wish.”
The tears she had tried to hold back flowed along her temples. She didn’t want Merian to see her crying. Firmly suppressing her voice, she asked for a book worth reading from the library to be brought.
After Merian left, Charlotte was deeply buried in thick silence alone. Slowly raising her body and wiping her wet eyes, she saw the letter she had placed on the table.
Just then, it fell to the floor, carried by a cool breeze blowing from the plateau.
“I hope Miss Windler was happy today too.”
She recalled the closing of the baron’s letter. Charlotte buried her face in her palms and wept bitterly.
Contrary to the baron’s wish for happiness, only unhappiness was accelerating.
***
‘When someone I hate enough to want to kill is out of sight, they become the one I want to see the most.’
Even though he deceived her to bind her to the mansion, strangled her, shot her, and gripped her heart, she had never hated him enough to wish for his death.
The past three weeks had been a succession of hardships, leaving no room to be consumed by worries related to Edwin.
But you must not be like that.
The product of the memory from 14 years ago was hatred. The endless hatred towards the one who had to be killed and whom he wanted to kill was the result of what happened 14 years ago. Just by showing her face, she became a sufficient witness to remind him of those memories.
If it were me. If I were in Duke Baitness’s position.
As Vivian walked down the corridor, putting strength into her legs that felt like they might collapse, she noticed two maids walking towards her from the opposite direction. Reflexively holding her breath, Vivian hunched her shoulders.
After Edwin left Rodinia, she officially took on the duties of a maid. Even so, it was just menial work, faithfully following experienced servants or carrying out the tasks they assigned.
Their subtle yet direct bullying – deliberately approaching her despite her intentionally giving them a wide berth, strongly hitting her shoulder while giggling – grew bolder with each passing day.
‘It’s always like that at first.’
‘When I first arrived in New Way and was told I was a useless human being, life felt really fresh.’
It was Edwin’s voice that helped her endure such humiliation. Recalling his expression as he told old stories, she tried to remain composed. She persevered and endured patiently.
I have to get used to it. This is what earning money is like.
Vivian, who couldn’t help but stand out among them, was merely weak prey. Rather, she fell victim to the pure malice of people eager to mar her.
‘If you can’t bear it, please be sure to let me know. The door to your room is open, and you can return there anytime.’
The butler, Abernathy, admonished Vivian as if waiting for her to quit. Even on payday, he sighed and reproached her, asking if she intended to continue. Even under the weight of his sigh, she concluded the conversation with the answer that she couldn’t quit.
Money can make people cry, but it can also make them laugh and look foolish.
Every time she endured the servants’ whispers, every time the pain that seemed to batter her entire body visited her every night, she sometimes looked back on the past, wondering how she had come to this point.
That time that couldn’t be returned to, that would never come back.
‘Alright. Go ahead. It’s obvious where Miss Eveline wants to go.’
You knew too.
That the place I’m running towards with all my might, giving up everything, is you, Edwin. That I’ve stepped forward with all my strength towards you, standing at the end of the path stretching towards death.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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