Illina grew up believing she was superior to others due to the excessive attention and praise she received from Brant and Anne since childhood. That’s why she thinks she is a person of special value.
In social circles, Illina indirectly used money to gain favor so that people could subtly praise her. She never expressed herself arrogantly on her own.
If someone seemed even slightly better than her, Illina would make herself a victim to induce guilt or use unpopular men to make them feel ashamed and unable to appear in social circles. That’s why Illina’s nickname was not the flower of society, but the poison of society.
There was never any giving with emotion. There was only giving with a purpose.
Illina thinks she can be forgiven for anything she does. Even if that “anything” is an action that crosses the line.
Lorencia had knelt and pleaded with Illina. But Illina never spared her.
In front of Lorencia’s eyes, a small bird was being torn apart and dying.
The bird’s wings, which had been flying vigorously through the sky just moments ago, lost their function. The bird’s painful chirping gradually diminished.
The grateful little bird that had become a friend by visiting through the window whenever Lorencia sang the lullaby she learned from her deceased mother was rolling on the floor like garbage. Looking at the cold, lifeless eyes of the small bird, Lorencia exerted strength in her immobile arms and reached out to the bird.
Illina happily watched Lorencia reaching out to the dead bird and lightly stepped on it. Only emptiness could be seen in the eyes of the bird, whose soul had already left and lost its vitality. Lorencia’s face turned pale as she withdrew her outstretched hand.
After that incident, Lorencia didn’t open the window or sing for a while. She vowed never to make friends again.
Lorencia cried, remembering the terribly dead bird.
Hearing that birds wouldn’t be killed, Lorencia sang again. Illina kept her promise. The grateful feeling for unexpectedly keeping the promise was only momentary.
Lorencia shook her head vigorously.
The moment Illina grabbed the puppy’s neck and smiled, Lorencia closed her eyes. Her body trembled at the sound of the puppy’s tearing cries piercing her ears.
Those cries sounded like pleas to kill it quickly rather than suffer. No, that’s how she rationalized it to herself.
The crying puppy begging for its life stopped breathing in an instant.
On the day Illina forcibly made her hold the knife, she suffered from severe wailing for the first time in her life. More than physical pain, her heart ached from being forced to kill the puppy. She experienced a bigger aftereffect than expected. So Lorencia pretended that it was more painful when Illina starved her or forced her to stay awake.
Just seeing the kitten in Illina’s arms brings back memories as if it happened yesterday. It was agonizing every time she was forced to do something she didn’t want to do and take young lives against her will. Even though she was young, it doesn’t mean there’s no guilt for the forced actions. It doesn’t easily disappear either.
“What are you thinking about in front of me, Sister Lorencia?”
“Seeing the cute kitten Illina is holding now reminds me of the past…”
Lorencia spoke meaningfully while looking at the black kitten Illina was holding. The kitten was enough to remind her of the cruel atrocities Illina had committed in the past.
“Really? You’re reminded of the past? That’s why I brought the kitten!”
Illina always wants to feel influential over Lorencia. Especially, she feels superior in emotions of fear and dread. The more intense the crying of the other person, the more satisfied she became. Back then, she didn’t know. That as much as the painful emotions gave satisfaction to Illina, it worsened her own situation…
But the current Illina wouldn’t know. That the Lorencia who knew nothing is not here anymore.
“Isn’t this kitten so cute?”
Illina asked while carefully examining Lorencia’s expression.
“I carefully chose the cutest one among the month-old kittens.”
Lorencia stared intently at the kitten in Illina’s arms without showing any emotion. She knew that even though Illina was being very affectionate towards the kitten, it was just a momentary kindness with a purpose. She couldn’t forget the madness-filled image of Illina who stroked a puppy saying it was cute and then suddenly strangled it to death.
“Illina. I don’t want to.”
“What don’t you want? To kill the cat? You killed them well when I just handed you the knife.”
Illina stopped petting the kitten and said.
Lorencia let out a small sigh and said.
“Illina. It’s troublesome if you keep throwing tantrums like a child asking me to kill instead of you when you can kill well without borrowing my hands. You should do what you want to do yourself. I can’t do it for you forever.”
Illina’s face turned red with shame at Lorencia’s firm words. Her words sounded like she was admonishing a thoughtless child.
“What are you saying right now?”
“To be honest, Illina. I don’t feel any emotion even if I kill such small animals now. Isn’t it the same for you? Don’t tell me you’re satisfied with killing such small animals?”
Lorencia’s purple eyes curved like a crescent moon. Her hand slowly reached out to the kitten in Illina’s arms.
“It’s not fun to kill such a young life that doesn’t even realize its own death. Right, Illina?”
Lorencia spoke while slowly pulling the kitten out of Illina’s arms.
“I’ll kill it for you one last time, Illina. I hope you won’t ask me to kill such trivial animal babies instead from now on.”
Lorencia spoke to Illina in a kind voice as if bestowing mercy.
“What are you talking about! I didn’t bring that cat for you to kill it. Give it back!”
“Illina. What are you saying? Don’t you remember the reason you always brought animals to me? It was only when you always asked me to kill them instead. Don’t tell me you forgot?”
The purple eyes that were folded into half-moons with a smile slowly opened. They met Illina’s gaze directly.
“Think about it, Illina. Were there any animals that left my room alive among the ones you brought?”
Illina killed even small mice carefully, thinking about the shock Lorencia would receive. And she induced Lorencia to kill instead of her. The person who laughed saying it was fun while watching Lorencia crying and begging was none other than Illina.
“There weren’t any. Illina knows this fact well.”
Illina found the current Lorencia unfamiliar. If it were the usual her, she should be trembling and crying, begging not to kill the cute kitten. But she wasn’t begging at all. Rather, she was treating Illina like an annoying younger sister. Did she go mad from suffering too much abuse since childhood?
“Illina. Rather than killing such trivial and tiny creatures…”
Lorencia continued speaking in an excited voice.
“How would it feel to kill people who cry and beg for their lives? Don’t you want to try killing them?”
Lorencia smiled brightly and matched eye level with Illina who averted her gaze. Cold sweat ran down Illina’s spine.
“Doesn’t it sound much more fun than killing animals?”
“Give that cat back.”
“No.”
A bright smile spread across Lorencia’s face like a fully bloomed flower.
Just as Illina was about to get up and approach Lorencia, there was a knock on the door and a maid’s voice saying that Ruans had arrived at the mansion.
Illina became urgent as Ruans had arrived earlier than usual.
“Do as you please. Kill it or save it.”
As the maid knocked on the door once again, Illina left the room with an annoyed face.
As soon as Illina left, Lorencia opened the terrace door. And she carefully put the kitten down on the terrace floor. The cat raised its chin proudly and started meowing incessantly while looking at Lorencia.
“Why are you crying?”
-Meow.
“You want me to hold you again?”
-Meow. Meow.
Lorencia sighed and picked up the kitten again. The kitten stopped crying, yawned long, and purred contentedly in Lorencia’s arms, swishing its tail.
“You’re completely different from when you were in Illina’s arms earlier.”
Lorencia whispered while gently stroking the kitten’s head. As attention focused on it, the kitten looked up at Lorencia with its yellow eyes shining, as if comforting her.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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