“Yeah. I guess you’re right. I love you.”
“…I don’t love you, Rude.”
“Who asked about your feelings? I’m telling you my feelings. I’m not begging you to love me back. I don’t even hope for that, so just stick to my side like a leech.”
“The one who should be by your side is the person who will become your companion, Rude.”
“That could be you, you know.”
“No. That is not my place.”
“Really? Then where is your place?”
Merche closed her mouth.
It was the first time she showed a distinct wavering, despite always maintaining her composure.
Rude’s gaze followed her blue eyes that tried their best not to be shaken, but eventually couldn’t help but be hit by the waves.
“I’m asking you, where is your place?”
“…At least not by your side.”
“That’s a guess. In the end, you don’t know.”
If that’s the case, the problem is simple, Rude grinned crookedly.
“I’ll decide for you. Your place is next to me. From now on until you die.”
“I must not become your companion.”
“Ah… damn it. You usually use that clever head of yours well, so why are you being so stubborn only at times like this? And that damn companion, companion. Isn’t it me who decides who my companion is? Why are you telling me what to do about my companion?”
“According to the Lupinus family registry, you and I are relatives. The family law prohibits incest, so I cannot be your companion.”
“You’re quite the governess. I’m not talking to my teacher right now, but to Merche Ashtad. When I’m telling you nicely, I’m telling the old-fashioned teacher to get lost.”
As if irritated by the prolonged argument, Rude raised an eyebrow and roughly brushed back his hair.
He quickly stood up, stretching his long legs, and approached the window, leaning against it with one leg bent.
“Why don’t you use that logic of yours to prove why your place is next to me?”
“……”
“It’s because, Merche, I will stick to your side until I die of old age. No matter how much you struggle and thrash about, I will never leave you. So your place is next to me, and my place is next to you. How’s that? Deadly logical, isn’t it?”
“…No. It should be called coercion, not logic.”
“You don’t know this, Merche. I have one more fantastic logic right now.”
He approached Merche again and bent down to meet her eye level. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then spoke with a deeper smile than usual.
“I’ve imprinted on you.”
A suffocating silence fell.
Merche turned pale, blinked her eyes anxiously, then shook her head.
“…That can’t be.”
“Don’t make me laugh. You’ve been raised as the successor, so you should know better than anyone. Even if your eyes are on your feet, you can’t mistake imprinting.”
“There must have been some mistake. There’s no way you would imprint on me…”
“Please. Cut it out, Merche. Don’t make my head boil any further.”
To Merche, it seemed as if the whole world had blurred and distorted, or as if all colors had disappeared and everything had stopped.
She didn’t see Rude, who clenched his fists as if he was about to cry, suppressing all his anger with all his might until he finally reached his limit.
She didn’t see him, who was breathing heavily, staring at her with a terrifyingly expressionless face.
“Do you hate being by my side that much? Is the fact that I’ve imprinted on you, is it so horrifying that it makes you shudder?”
“……”
“Merche.”
Holding the hand of the woman who gave no answer, Rude recited.
“Just… stay by my side.”
I’m begging you like this. I can’t even breathe without you now, but after you’ve ruined me like this, why won’t you look at me?
His heart, filled with anxiety and impatience, was pounding wildly.
Ignoring it, he blindly focused only on Merche.
The blue eyes that had frozen upon seeing him. No emotions could be read in them.
At the same time, something collapsed in his mind.
“What should I do for you? What do I have to do for you to stay by my side? Should I stab and kill that bastard family head for you? Or should I let you become the successor or whatever?”
His thoughts all leaked out of his mouth.
Like an idiot with a malfunction somewhere, Rude spat out all the words that came to his mind in a frenzy.
“I’ll kill him for you. I’ll kill that dog of a family head and crush him so that no trace remains. …Ah. Your sister. I’ll keep her alive and well and return her to you. Then it’ll be fine, right?”
“…My sister?”
Merche, who had been listening to his messy ramblings without a word, opened her mouth then.
She stiffened her whole body and asked back, unable to even blink.
“Did something happen to Christine? Is she in some kind of danger…”
A chilling sensation crept up from her toes, engulfing her entire body up to the top of her head. The sound of the whole world became muffled.
No. That can’t be.
Even as she denied it, she couldn’t help but ask in the end.
Merche looked at Rude helplessly with eyes like a small boat swaying in a storm.
“Does the family head have Christine?”
“…Merche.”
“Has Christine been discovered by him?”
“…I’ll save her. I can save her.”
Ah. Christine. Her vision turned white as if in a lie.
Rude hurriedly caught her body that collapsed weakly, but Merche only groped the air with empty eyes.
Despair, despair, sadness, agony. Emotions passed by rapidly without a break, and only the deepest and most persistent emotion remained at the end.
Anger and hatred.
Merche couldn’t stand how disgusted she was with herself.
Not only had she taken the parents away from that innocent child, but now she had put the child in danger as well. What an evil and foolish being she was.
“Christine…”
Her sister was right. She should never have existed from the beginning.
She shouldn’t have interfered and ruined everything between such a harmonious and perfect family.
“I know. I know I’m a stupid idiot of a deity! But just listen to me…! As long as you do well in the announcement ceremony that the bastard wants today, it’ll be fine. At least until then, he won’t be able to harm your sister. In the meantime, if I somehow manage to get her out…”
“The one who informed the family head of Christine’s whereabouts, was it you?”
Instead of answering, Rude gritted his teeth so hard that his jaw ached.
“Please. You know I’m a hopelessly stupid fool.”
“……”
“I didn’t know the situation would get so messed up like this. I just mentioned her name when he asked about that quack doctor. That’s all!”
No matter how many times he added urgently, there was no response from Merche.
She lowered her head blankly with a terrifyingly hollow face like a wax doll.
For some reason, feeling scared, Rude grabbed her limp wrist.
“Merche.”
That’s when it happened.
Hot liquid dropped onto the back of his hand with a plop.
It was infinitely transparent and clear, quietly flowing down like its owner.
The silently falling tears gathered little by little, forming blurred circles among themselves.
It was the first time. Seeing Merche so completely shattered like this.
She cried silently, a mess like a broken and shattered bead.
Every time her tear-soaked eyelids closed, thin trails of tears flowed down her cheeks.
The woman who always sat high and mighty, looking down at him, had collapsed weakly and was spewing out suppressed sobs.
That woman pushed him away with a hand that couldn’t even muster half her strength.
“…Yeah. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to see my face right now either. You’d want to smash this beggar-like mug to pieces. I deserve it.”
Even as he spoke as if in resignation, his hand trembled.
Being rejected was something he was used to in his life, but not to that woman.
It was only a little bit of strength. But it felt as if a huge wave had crashed roughly, leaving his whole mind numb.
Rude, who had gotten up pretending to be nonchalant, lightly grasped Merche’s shoulders.
“Just wait here for a day. It’s a place that’s somewhat well hidden, but you never know with that gloomy bastard. Never go wandering outside and just stay here. Whether you curse me or condemn me, stay inside. Understand?”
Even if Merche didn’t reply, he tried to brush it off as no big deal. Yes. It’s okay even if she comes to hate him like this.
Let her despise him to death. He was determined to keep Merche alive by his side no matter what.
If it was bound to end in one-sided love no matter what he did, even if he had to be cursed, he would tie her up tightly and keep her by his side.
He raised his head and looked at the window. The sky, covered in a red dusk, was gradually being intruded upon by the rising sun.
He had to return to the castle before the day fully dawned, so even if something weighed on his heart, he had to take a step.
Rude brushed back his roughly tangled hair with a mere nod, and looked down at the crouching woman one last time.
“……”
It was a sight that made him choke up just by looking at it.
She had the laurel wreath he had forcibly placed on her head, but her gaze wandered somewhere else, lost in thought.
She was always a woman whose eyes shone.
A clear blue color that seemed to rummage through people’s insides.
Eyes that were like a noble lake, where moisture had never gathered. That’s exactly what they were like.
Only now did he realize that he had completely shattered that woman.
He had wanted to crush and trample her to keep her by his side. But now that he saw her like this, why was it so painful that he couldn’t even breathe properly?
It was too hard to look at the woman who looked like a broken doll any longer.
Rude turned his back and fled the silent space, leaving Merche behind.
When scheming men desperately battle for her favor in the male harem
This one’s also on my reread list! The rivalry, scheming between the men in the imperial harem are just as intense and thrilling as in classic palace drama novels, where concubines fight to the death. Give it a read, girls! I promise you won’t be disappointed.
Synopsis:
“I am not worthy of her… but I still want to be by her side, even if only as a loyal dog…”
Those were the painful whispers of Yue Guanyi – the proud Crown Prince of the Great Qi, who was torn between deep love and a guilty conscience. Despite holding the supreme power of the Imperial Guard, he still could not forget the dark past when he was sold into a brothel.
Fate played a cruel twist when Qiu Shuzhi – a young female official who had just passed the imperial examinations with top honors – stepped into his life. She did not know that she was the one who had saved him from a tragic fate many years ago. And now, her heart was the target of pursuit for both Yue Guanyi and the powerful Empress Dowager Qin Qing.
While Yue Guanyi only dared to silently care for and protect the one he loved from afar, the Empress Dowager Qin Qing openly expressed his feelings and did not hesitate to take advantage of his power to approach Qiu Shuzhi. The covert struggle between the two most powerful forces in the imperial court began…
Trigger warning: All men in this novel are yandere style.
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