The lights in the newlyweds’ room were turned off early. Peon, who had turned off all the lights, thought of the emperor’s spies who would be watching from beyond the curtains and windows. Not just outside the window. They would be outside the door too.
He looked at Kaella, who had crawled into the blanket. More precisely, it was a pile of blankets, but he felt guilty even for looking at her, so he turned his gaze away again.
Seven years older, she was the younger sister he had held hands with since she was toddling. A younger sister should remain a younger sister. Get a grip.
But why did Kaella crawl into bed regardless of whether he was there or not? Moreover, she immediately changed her way of speaking after getting married, not even conscious of the fact that they were alone in the bedroom.
‘Was she still naive?’
Was she? He didn’t know. He waited as long as possible and quietly came in when Kaella was about to fall asleep.
It was his mistake to overlook the fact that ladies’ grooming always takes much longer than expected. His heart sank when he saw Kaella lying face down on the bed, and she was even awake.
She said she was tired. No wonder. Her voice was almost dead, and her ankles and feet under the carefully worn white pajamas were swollen, so he felt sorry for her.
He understood that it was hard, but it was quite unusual for the court lady to lie down carelessly. Wasn’t she afraid of him? There was no way she hadn’t received education about the first night.
No, no. Peon shook his head. Since Beatrice had made such a fuss, the court lady might have completely given up on the idea of marital relations.
In their previous married life, they had no marital relations at all. To be precise, Peon had left her alone to “maintain his chastity and integrity,” and Kaella had suffered the humiliation of being called a “lifeless stone, not even a woman” while being pointed at.
‘Such words should never be said again.’
It must never happen. It would be better for rumors to spread that he couldn’t perform properly.
And that would be a legitimate reason for divorce for Kaella later when they divorced. If someone were to be pointed at in this marriage, it must be Peon. He would never repeat the same mistake.
He turned his back to Kaella and sat down on the floor, not on the bed. Her presence behind his back felt pitifully fragile and, at the same time, too fragile and frightening.
Yes, it was a frightening thing to carefully protect someone he had once shattered without a single scratch. Kaella was too troublesome for him, who had only ever destroyed and had to fight wars thoroughly from now on.
He chewed on his sins like that in the darkness, over and over again. For a very long time. Until Kaella, who had been lying as if dead, finally made a rustling sound.
‘My feet hurt.’
The soles of her feet were burning, and her calves were numb belatedly. Even the muscles in her thighs were screaming. It hurt and ached so much. Moreover, she had turned to her side, conscious of Peon, and remained still for a long time, so her whole body was numb.
‘Should I pretend to be sleep-talking and turn over? Pretend it’s a sleep habit? What should I do?’
Ah. How did she come to worry about such things? It was when she was too conscious of why that man was sitting under the bed without moving an inch. Her overlapping legs slipped down. The slightly thinner spring blanket rustled.
Kaella held her breath without realizing it. It seemed like she could hear some kind of sound.
Light footsteps approached and stopped in front of her, who was desperately pretending to be asleep. The sound of something heavy being placed on the floor was also heard. And he sat close by.
“Kaella.”
Tension rose from her waist at the low voice, but she didn’t move a muscle.
“I know you’re not asleep, so open your eyes.”
At his words implying that she ‘couldn’t’ sleep, not ‘wasn’t’ sleeping, Kaella had no choice but to open her eyes. A quiet and polite gaze, as knowing as his voice, was looking at her.
He had pulled up a chair and was sitting by the bed.
“Listen to me carefully.”
What was he trying to do? Kaella sat up.
“If we don’t resolve this now, you won’t be able to sleep today, and it will hurt tomorrow too. The day after tomorrow, it will hurt even more, adding to tomorrow’s pain. And we have to go to Lucenford, so your feet will swell again.”
His hand, which was originally long and delicate but had become thick and heavy from wielding a sword, was quietly placed on the blanket. Under that blanket were her legs, screaming in pain from the swelling.
Kaella hung her head low.
“I was short-sighted. I’m sorry.”
If the Grand Duchess was ill when going to Lucenford, it meant that the procession would be delayed that much.
Kaella hurriedly removed the blanket and began massaging her legs. The soft hands of the court lady, who had never even tried a massage, clumsily pressed the pajamas.
An old habit emerged. Trying to match her actions with the desire to be looked at just once, with the wish to be helpful rather than a hindrance, the pitiful one-sided love.
So the feeling of being too embarrassed and sorry for causing trouble. The harmful emotion that makes her forget her countless resolutions to give up.
‘I clearly resolved not to care.’
But why did she apologize for being embarrassed and sorry? It could happen! He was someone else’s man anyway, so what did it matter if he thought of her as pathetic? She rebuked herself and rubbed the aching spots.
“No, I didn’t mean that you were short-sighted.”
Peon, with an obviously difficult expression, stopped her clumsy hands while wiping his mouth. Even if he stopped her, he didn’t dare touch her. Everything was cautious in the newlyweds’ room where they were alone. He approached her, barely, and spoke softly while making eye contact.
“I meant that I wanted to help because the upcoming schedule will be tough. I was trying to ask for your understanding. I’ll do it for you.”
There was no immunity to the gentle words she had never heard before. Kaella shook her head.
“I, I can do it.”
She couldn’t receive even if he gave. Or rather, she was trying to come to her senses, knowing that she shouldn’t receive anymore. The bones in her calves turned white as she pressed down on them with force.
“Kaella.”
Unlike her, who was trying hard to act like a grand duchess, he continued to treat her without hesitation. He no longer matched the way of speaking he always used to match her.
“Doing that will only make your hands hurt more.”
He seemed to be the only one at ease. Of course, Kaella was the only one who was afraid and trying to read his mood.
“I’ll make it not unpleasant.”
He carefully asked for permission.
“If it’s unpleasant, kick me away.”
There was no way Kaella could kick Peon away. With a troubled expression, Kaella put down her aching hands for now.
“Relax.”
She had no choice but to nod and avert her gaze. He tidied the blanket and covered her up to her knees, as if to say he would only press up to there.
Then he started pressing firmly on her thighs near her knees. As the tightly knotted muscles began to creak, Kaella couldn’t help but groan and grabbed the blanket tightly. It hurt so much!
“Does it hurt? I’m sorry. I’ll do it more gently.”
Peon, who was trying to do it lightly but was surprised that the small court lady was groaning in pain, loosened his grip even more.
“No, it’s okay, it’s okay.”
Everything was okay. This absurd situation where he was suddenly massaging her legs, the fact that she ended up marrying and dying, everything was okay.
It was no use pouring out her heart anyway. So it was okay. She didn’t want to attach meaning to his consideration and kind gestures.
“Still.”
He spoke very calmly and composedly, even while massaging his new bride’s legs on their first night.
“It hurts, doesn’t it, Bi?”
It was a joke with a hint of laughter. But his large hands, which were slightly warmer than normal body temperature, touched her legs without any ulterior motives. Yes. It seemed he really just wanted to help.
Kaella thought it was fortunate that she recalled her resolution not to attach meaning to anything related to Peon. Then she groaned, letting go of that thought as the pain came.
She didn’t know how long she had walked with her whole body stiff, but the hardened muscles screamed as he pressed them. Kaella frowned and gripped the blanket as if she was tearing it apart.
“Take deep breaths. Inhale through your nose and exhale deeply through your mouth. It will help.”
It did help a little. But then she forgot to even breathe and had to bite her lower lip.
Sweat formed slightly on her temples, and her outstretched legs fluttered inside Peon’s large hands. Whenever that happened, he would wrap his hands around her slender ankles, gently pull them, and soothe her.
“Breathe, Kaella.”
He spoke as if whispering. His firm thumb pressed firmly on her shin. With the blinding pain and the lightness and coolness where his fingers passed, Kaella just left everything to him.
“Even if it hurts, bear with it for a bit. Getting the pain over with now is better, even for later.”
His purple eyes seemed to pity her a little. No, that must be her misconception. It had to be a misconception.
His hands went down to her feet calmly, or mercilessly. It hurt so much that she wanted him to stop, but Peon sighed as he pressed her small feet that fit in one of his hands.
“Your feet hurt like this because you walked for so long.”
“I didn’t walk for long, ah…!”
The words couldn’t even be completed properly, and a groan interrupted. Was this supposed to hurt this much?
Some say they form a connection on their first night, and some say they open their eyes to pleasure, but Kaella was alone on her first night, and on her second, she felt a strange pain she had never tasted before. It was a pain mixed with pleasure, as she felt much lighter after it was over.
“Don’t tear the blanket, hold onto me.”
Peon took Kaella’s hand, whose finger bones were visibly twisting from how hard she was gripping, and placed it on his shoulder.
“It will, it will hurt…”
In the midst of her confusion, Kaella tried to somehow raise her speech but couldn’t finish and groaned. Peon, who was watching her, chuckled.
“You’ll have to build up a lot more strength to make me hurt.”
Why were there two legs? One would have been enough, but having one more was tiring and embarrassing.
Kaella held onto his shoulders tightly without hesitation and endured the pain. As he massaged her other leg, her body leaned more towards him, and the weight increased.
But Peon didn’t even show any discomfort. In fact, his body was like a heavy rock, and it seemed like her leaning on him had no effect at all.
“And Kaella. Call me whatever you want to call me, and speak however you want to. Don’t be uncomfortable.”
Was it possible not to be uncomfortable with him? Kaella thought it was impossible. How could she not be uncomfortable with a man who was a kind older brother one moment and then turned away, cutting off everything coldly, never looking back again?
Peon was unpredictable, difficult to understand, and yet endlessly noble and beautiful alone, making it impossible not to admire him.
“When it’s just the two of us, you don’t have to follow the etiquette.”
And the him who died and came back to the past to meet her again poured kind words into her ears that he would never say. He was considerate enough to massage Kaella’s swollen legs even though they were married.
Was it a gift given to her, who was tired of the torture of hope? Peon was soft and warm enough to make her want to believe that, but at the same time, she was full of wariness and couldn’t understand why he was doing this, so she was afraid.
“I just need to match you.”
There was no answer in return. Only her unsteady breath and soft hair brushed against his chin and neck, and a light and fragile weight leaned on him a little more. Peon soothed the struggling Kaella.
“Just bear with it a little longer. You’ll be much more comfortable falling asleep.”
As soon as he put a little more force into his hands, a scream immediately burst out. Her frail hands, which had no strength at all, pushed him away.
“Stop, stop…!”
She just wanted him to stop. However, the pain felt in her legs that she had given to him gradually intensified. Kaella took a deep breath and looked up at him, pleading.
“Please.”
Her voice, which came out almost like a whisper, sounded pitiful with her rough breathing mixed in.
“Please, stop…”
Peon stared down at her for a moment as she sobbed in pain, then closed his eyes tightly and turned his head.
Get a grip. On this first night, the spies would misunderstand the strange moans coming from this bridal chamber and report it well to the emperor, so he just needed to focus and not mix any ulterior motives beyond that. He shouldn’t react to those sobbing eyes.
“No. We’re almost done.”
With a gasp, her sweat-drenched face fell back. Peon supported her neck and made her lean against him completely.
“It’s okay. You’ll feel refreshed after we’re done. Can’t you already feel the difference?”
From the perspective of someone who was in so much pain that she was almost crying, it was a really annoying and hateful thing to say, but his voice sounded too soft and kind.
The body she was leaning on was firmly supporting her. It was a very tempting refuge for Kaella, who had nowhere to rely on or place her heart, but in fact, it couldn’t even be a refuge. She would be lucky if he didn’t cast her out.
Kaella, who realized that she was enjoying leaning on him using the massage as an excuse, wanted to hit her own head. Her eyes turned red, and tears even welled up.
“Breathe, Kaella. Breathe. Come on.”
She had no sense at all. His strong hands gripped her legs tightly and wouldn’t let go.
“You might get some bruises tomorrow.”
She nodded with her wet eyes tightly closed. Her spilled golden hair touched his shoulder and became disheveled. Her white forehead, drenched in sweat, shone in the moonlight that managed to seep through the tightly closed curtains.
Kaella was in pain and embarrassed at the same time. If she had ridden horses more diligently, this embarrassing situation wouldn’t have happened.
With her eyes and cheeks flushed red, she covered her mouth as a sob escaped. If she had known it would hurt this much, she wouldn’t have done it. She wouldn’t have even started.
“It’s okay. We’re almost there.”
His touch, which was soothing and comforting her like a child while firmly massaging her calves exposed under the white pajamas, was not unpleasant at all.
Whenever his hand touched, the muscles screamed precisely where it hurt, so there couldn’t be any other intention involved. Moreover, Peon didn’t even see her in that sense. She knew that.
“You’ll feel much better in the morning. You’re enduring well. No, relax, Kaella. Don’t tense your body, you need to relax. It hurts more if you do.”
Beatrice wouldn’t have created such an embarrassing and shameful situation. She would have probably been more sophisticated.
It was stiff, rustic, and ignorant Kaella who was spending this ridiculous first night. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, having developed a habit of comparing herself after being compared to others so much.
Even when she scolded herself, saying what’s the point of all this, that it had nothing to do with her, and there was no need to attach meaning to it, it was too embarrassing and pathetic to grip Peon’s shoulders and make beastly groans.
“You’re enduring well.”
It was obvious just by seeing him comforting Kaella, who was much younger than Beatrice, like comforting a child.
She decided to think that it was rather fortunate. Since she had shown this side of herself, she might as well not repeat her stupid actions and not forget, and focus only on death.
Why did she always act stupidly? Did she feel that the person who had contributed to killing her father had changed because he was now contributing to saving him? Kaella was just too pathetic and sick and tired of herself for not being able to let go of this lingering attachment.
“…la, Kaella?”
At the sound of his voice, she suddenly lifted her head. Then she forgot to even breathe. Peon, who was much closer than she thought, was looking at her with an unreadable expression.
Without realizing it, Kaella stared at him. The moment their gazes became entangled, she couldn’t avoid the purple eyes she had always avoided. It was fixed in place as if captured.
Belatedly, the tension that had nothing to do with her enveloped her. It was as if the tension was being transmitted from those eyes.
“Does it hurt a lot? Did I… do it too hard?”
His thick, low voice was solely directed at Kaella. The slight trembling in his voice might be because he was feeling the same tension. Her lips, which had become wet from biting them so much, trembled as much as his voice.
“It’s okay…”
Her trembling lips moved and whispered, then abruptly stopped. Peon was pouring into her. The strong signal he was sending overwhelmed her, making it impossible to even turn her gaze away. It was as if he wasn’t allowing her to avoid his gaze.
Look, look at me, he was commanding. The distance would gradually decrease like this, and she would finally be swallowed up.
‘No, don’t.’
However, a warning more powerful than Peon struck Kaella. She flinched like someone pricked by a needle and turned her head away, trembling.
“Th… thank you, thank you. I think I can sleep now. It’s much better.”
Squeezing out a voice that wouldn’t come out properly, she hastily moved away from Peon.
Her entire body, unable to even meet his eyes, was stinging. It was clear that the Grand Duke’s icy gaze was looking at her as if it would swallow her. She had gone crazy alone.
Belatedly, Kaella’s face burned. How could the Grand Duke, who loved Beatrice, feel any tension towards her? She kept her head down, staring only at the blanket.
“Much better?”
However, the voice that reached her was much lower and filled with more heat than she had thought. Kaella slightly lifted her head again.
“That’s a relief. Then get some sleep soon.”
Peon got up from his seat and spoke, staring at her.
“Sleep well.”
“Yes, you too…”
The new bride answered nervously, receiving her husband’s gaze. She watched him briefly enter the bathroom and quickly lay down.
‘His gaze felt like it was burning.’
Strange. She tilted her head and closed her eyes. Her cheeks were hot, and she wanted to fall asleep before he returned.
Her legs felt light and refreshed. It was embarrassing, as if she could feel the hot body temperature everywhere his hands had touched.
She forcibly closed her eyes. Don’t be mistaken, it’s nothing special, she repeated dozens of times, muttering to herself.
The Male lead Always Seduces Her with His Beauty (Matriarchy)
Xin Jiao Zhou is the leader of the world’s premier sect. She has just experienced betrayal from all sides, was poisoned in an assassination attempt, and faced death squad attacks while the poison was taking effect. After finally clearing out the scum from her sect, she was drugged again while trying to detoxify.
After waking up from a night of unconsciousness, she gained a “beautiful and kind-hearted” husband.
Xin Jiao Zhou: “???”
He fell ill.
She came to see him, bringing breakfast.
As she put down the breakfast and was about to leave, his hand slipped while holding the spoon. “Clank!”
She turned around upon hearing the noise.
He looked up at her, his eyebrows drooping: “My hand… has no strength.”
“Shall I… feed you?” she asked tentatively.
He opened his mouth cheerfully: “Ah—”
Thinking she was drowning, he jumped in without hesitation to save her, but nearly drowned himself. In the end, it was she who swam over to rescue him, giving him air underwater.
After emerging from the water, his ear tips turned red. He lightly brushed his cheek, tucking his sideburns behind his ear, revealing delicate, pink-tinged ear tips. He lowered his gaze, too embarrassed to look at her.
Xin Jiao Zhou: He’s truly beautiful, kind-hearted, and adorable.
A certain someone when disciplining subordinates behind the scenes: “If they don’t obey, just kill them.”
What’s that? She might already have someone she cares about in her heart? A certain someone: Find out who it is, kill them, and then there won’t be anyone.
What? She met a man by the riverside? What? That man even hurt her? A certain someone: Whichever hand hurt her, chop off his entire arm.
Love at first sight without realizing it, gradually falling in love, slowly getting closer…
Family and national grudges, schemes and desires, good and evil, crime and punishment, she and he face the future together, seeking justice with passion!
A naturally dark female lead who could accidentally destroy the world but is actually an honest person VS a weak, pitiful, and helpless but skilled fighter, beautiful white-cut black male lead
My heart is not of stone, how steadfast is your love? — Tao Yuanming “Imitating the Ancients (No. 3)”
— Reading Guide —
Cold female lead & dramatic black lotus with hidden yandere traits male lead
