I realized that the words I thought were teasing me were actually like revealing one side of Jun’s painful heart. The belated realization might become a long enough time to inflict deeper wounds on someone.

[Haru.]

When there was no response over the phone, Jun called my name in a low voice. Even a single word of response like “Yes” couldn’t come out of my throat at that moment. I was afraid that even in that brief response, the heavy emotions I hadn’t even digested would spill out.

[I’ll just say it since you’re listening.]

“…….”

[It’s not about telling you to sulk. It’s not even about asking you to remember that I was in pain. It’s just that even this short time of talking with you like this is precious to me, it makes me happy. I wanted to tell you that.]

Because there were days like that, the time spent together now is precious and happy, I wanted to say that…

[Since you’re silent, let me force out a few more words that I don’t even want to say. I thought I could endure all the times until you finished work, even if it was going to be like this. Enough.]

“…….”

[I can’t say that none of it hurt. But thinking about it, enduring the pain was worth it. Because we will face many more days together, like today, like tomorrow. It’s ridiculous, but I’m having a fluttering day.]

It felt like slow steps had entered my chest, where the heavy rain had just started. Then, he swept away the scenery of rain and even made a rainbow. Although the chest that had been shaken for a moment still felt a bit painful, the heart began to meet the rainbow bit by bit.

“……Yes.”

[Wow, Haru. You let me say all this. And you say ‘yes’ in the end?]

“No. It’s not about brushing it off like that. It’s not that kind of feeling.”

[Then what kind of feeling is it?]

Thinking about what this feeling might be in response to Jun’s thrown words, I felt it was too embarrassing to express in words. So, I closed my mouth, preventing the words that were about to come out. Instead, I hastily crafted a single short sentence.

Perhaps, a sentence that could be used to respond playfully, thinking you might try to brush it off with a single sentence.

“I feel what you know.”

[How can I know? I don’t know anything. You have to tell me. One by one.]

“Don’t pretend you don’t know. You know everything.”

Jun chuckled as if he couldn’t help it.

[Yes, that was a way of saying I find even that side of you charming. Fool.]

“……Who’s the fool here.”

[Even in the middle of that, you don’t like being called a fool, it seems.]

“I see. Do you have someone you like?”

[No. Other than you, there’s no one I like. Up until now, and in the future.]

… Whatever this feeling is, no matter how tightly your heart is filled with me, perhaps, you would find only the answer you wanted to give me in my different contextual question.

Unlike the heavy-hearted feeling, a faint smile appeared on my face.

“Yes, me too.”
[Haru, it’s not you. I said I couldn’t speak about the pain of liking you alone.]

“I thought you were teasing me. It wasn’t sincere.”

[Oh… I see. But I admit I tried to tease you.]

“Ah…”

[Pft. As expected, Haru’s reaction is really fast at times like this.]

In that way, we forgot for a while why I had originally gone up to the rooftop, and we bickered, revealing the immeasurable size of our love.

Thinking it would be at its maximum, that love still grows larger, unknowingly.

The reason I went up to the rooftop is because being with Jun at this moment is so enjoyable that even the slightest sense of presence couldn’t be felt in my overwhelmed heart.

Very belatedly, I opened my mouth because of Jun’s mischievous remark, “Well, it would be refreshing to be fired while continuing like this on the rooftop.”

Ignoring Jun’s teasing laughter, I uttered a single word. The reason I came up to the rooftop. The words that I must convey to you right now.

“……First, I’m sorry.”

[Starting with an apology… I don’t know how big of a deal it is to apologize first. I’ll accept it. Whatever it is.]

“In reality, it’s not an apology asking for your acceptance. It’s an apology to make my heart feel at ease.”

[So, I’ll also accept that apology to make my heart feel at ease. Is that okay?]

Words that seemed like they wouldn’t make sense, when overlaid with Jun’s affectionate voice, felt like they made sense. Of course, I personally decided to consider the apology I handed you just now as an unfinished one that has yet to be accepted. I am now, still in front of you, remaining in that moment when I delivered those words.

I added the next words slowly.

“Uh… So, Jun.”

[Yeah.]

“You’re a famous director.”

[… Go on.]

“When we’re together, there are people who secretly take pictures. Things said during interviews end up in magazines or newspapers. When I turn on the TV, your face appears, and when I walk down the street, people recognize me and…”