Even if you say you don’t want to see me anymore, still, I understand everything, so please don’t worry. It might be shameless to tell you not to worry, but…

I’m just really sorry. Truly sorry.」

This is driving me crazy… How many times are you going to say ‘sorry’ in one email?

There was no need to think long. I’ve checked all the emails.

I stood up with determination. I immediately grabbed the car keys and opened the hotel entrance door. I had to meet Haru right now.

Haru, don’t go anywhere this time. Just wait there. I’ll come to you. I’ll find you this time. Please don’t cry, please…

Seeing the long interval between checking the first and second emails, it seemed clear that Jun had already read that scenario. My heart couldn’t calm down.

What should I do? What should I really do…
I had already received confirmation of receipt for the last email, but there was no reply from Jun. No, come to think of it, it was rather absurd for me to expect a reply. Shameless.

Did I really expect Jun to say that everything is okay? Well, that could be possible. Something like that?

It had been almost nine years.

How could I have such expectations? How could I pass it off as if it didn’t matter, asking him not to worry…

Even in the midst of such thoughts, sweat oozed from the palms of my trembling hands, which I had held tightly. Initially, it just felt unreal, as if I were in a daze. Now, little by little, it was starting to feel real. Now Jun knew everything about our breakup, even my feelings towards him.

Even my feelings towards Jun.

When we were alone, I used to quickly avert my gaze out of fear that my feelings for you might be revealed just by looking at you for a little too long. No matter how hard I tried to prevent my feelings from leaking out.

Even though I tried hard to prevent my feelings from seeping out, whenever I let my guard down, my emotions flowed out like water slipping through my fingers, over and over again.

Many times, it flowed through the gaps between my fingers.

I couldn’t bear the thought of telling the truth and then seeing you turn away coldly. I didn’t want to make you turn away.

I wanted to hold onto your sleeve, even if it was just a small piece of it, a little longer by my side.

But now, I couldn’t do that anymore. There was no need to do that anymore.

Your act of forcefully removing my hand clutching your sleeve was unsettling my heart. My fingers that wanted to hold onto that small piece of your sleeve were tingling. The sensation was vivid.

I buried my face in my knees. Soon, only the knee part of the beige pajamas was gradually soaking in a darker brown.

Even in this foolish state, I was hoping. Hoping that along with these flowing tears, my feelings for you would also be swept away. Hoping to completely pour out this heart that had filled my chest.

To leave behind only an empty heart.

Rrrrr. Rrrrr.

The tears blurred my knees, making them damp. Placing my arms on the touching knees and resting my head on them again.

Rrrrr. Rrrrr.

The bell sound that had been ringing since a while ago was loud. If it stopped, it would ring again. An urgent matter, perhaps. I understood it in my head, but I didn’t want to lift my head. I want to cry right now. Please just leave me alone.

Rrrrr. Rrrrr.

Why does it eagerly seek me out at a time like this? Stop it. I don’t want to answer, so…

Rrrrr. Rrrrr.

Ugh, this won’t do.

I wiped away the tears that had been incessantly flowing from my swollen eyes with the back of my hand. Each time my hand touched my eyelids, a stinging pain occurred.

I reached out for the phone on the table. As soon as I confirmed the name on the screen, I was so surprised that my breath caught, and with a rough and labored breath, it broke intermittently.

Then… was it you, Kim Jun, who persistently called me from earlier?
However, my hand couldn’t press the green button hastily. I didn’t have the confidence not to shrink at the voice that would come through the phone. I didn’t have the confidence not to be hurt by the words I would hear.

Fears that were rolling up tightly and growing. This huge fear even snatched away the small courage needed to press this small button.

While hesitating, the bell sound abruptly stopped. I thought it might ring again, but this time, it remained silent.

But… what is this feeling? Am I regretting it now? Do I want the calls to keep coming? To keep looking for me. Continuously.

At that moment, my phone, which I hadn’t set to silent in the chat room with Jun, cheerfully notified me of a message. With a simple gesture of looking at the screen, I could immediately understand the reason Jun called.

[I know everything about being at home. Come out now. I’m in front of your house.]

In front of my house. Perhaps sensing my heart wavering without direction, a new message was promptly sent underneath.

[Iharu. I don’t intend to just go back today. If you’re thinking of running away again, do as you please. If you don’t come down in 5 minutes, I’ll come up right away.]

Unexplainable tears began to well up in my eyes. Bending my body fully, my heart surged like a wave rising abruptly.

Even if I don’t want to meet, crouch and hide in my house, Jun was determined to find me and lift me up in front of him.

Sigh, what should I do…

Already sagging, I forced myself up as if injecting wind into my body.

The time it took for the elevator, which had stopped on the first floor, to come up to the third floor was too short. Reluctantly moving my footsteps, I stepped into the elevator.

The elevator went down faster than when it went up. The number around the ceiling that I hoped wouldn’t decrease ultimately changed to the number I pressed.

The moment it descended, the sensor lights turned red. In an instant, the brightly lit sight revealed Jun leaning against the wall behind the front door, lost in thought.

Receiving the light as if it were meant to show Jun to me, I took a step forward. My footsteps, smaller today than usual, echoed through the entrance with a smaller sound.

At the sound, Jun’s gaze shifted towards me. Jun, who was leaning against the wall, stood up and looked at me. I reluctantly moved my steps forward, wanting to stop here. Like carrying a sandbag, every step felt heavy.

The light from the lamp on the front door, mingling with moonlight and starlight, shone more brightly on Jun’s face.

I approached Jun more closely. Jun’s eyes were already red.

Stopping a bit away and halting my steps, in the moment of hesitation, Jun closed the distance I intentionally left open in a single step. That was the moment.

“I’ll hit you later. You’ll get hit a lot.”
I lifted my head at Jun’s voice, and in an instant, Jun, with one hand, wrapped my waist and pulled me tightly into his embrace. Even though I quickly tried to push Jun’s chest away in surprise, his arms around my shoulders only tightened with more strength.

At that moment, I could feel that Jun’s heart was pounding like crazy, and it seemed the same for me as well.

Jun must have felt the same way.