Rrrrr. Rrrrr.

I was awakened by the bell sound like an unwelcome guest. As soon as I opened my eyes, the thoughts that filled my mind last night began to resurface. The bell sound felt unpleasant.

Thanks to that, I ended up recalling the parting with Jun a little earlier today.

I fumbled inside the blanket. When I pulled out a square object with a rigid texture, the bell sound became a bit clearer.

As soon as I confirmed Jun’s name neatly displayed on the screen, a cold wind passed through my chest. Today was a day when I least wanted to hear that name, but it was also a day when I had to confront that name.

The words to break up were something I had planned to say after Jun finished all his schedules. It shouldn’t affect his schedule because of me. So, I had no superficial reason to avoid this call right now.

My hesitant hand pressed the green button. Jun’s voice, just connected, echoed in my ears.

[Where are you right now?]

I could tell from the voice alone. It was a slightly annoyed tone as if he was angry at me for disappearing alone last night.

“I’m at home right now.”

In reality, what Jun was asking was not where I currently was but why I was there. So, my answer was shamelessly straightforward. The reason was that I wanted to make the words heard while making them sound like I didn’t care.

[Ha… What if something happened when you went out alone at dawn? I was worried.]

But Jun’s reason for being angry was different from what I had thought. My chest tightened. It was an emotion that shouldn’t be expressed. I tried to maintain composure.

“Ah, because I was thinking about going to work tomorrow. Sorry. You seemed to be sleeping so soundly.”

Meanwhile, I casually gave a reasonable explanation.

[It’s okay if nothing happened. Next time, whether you’re sleeping soundly or not, just wake me up. Don’t make me worry.]

Next time… there couldn’t be a next time.

“Yeah, sure.”

Contrary to my thoughts, the words came out.

“Is your body… Is your body a bit better?”

[I don’t know.]

“It’s still not much better?”

[I don’t know.]

“Don’t keep beating around the bush. Is it really okay?”

[If you’re curious, come here to check. Or I can come to your house right now.]

Jun expressed that he missed me in a roundabout way. Unconsciously, a smile began to spread on my lips, but as soon as I realized it, I quickly suppressed it.

“Based on what you’re saying, you seem completely recovered. I don’t need to check.”

[…No. I’m still in pain. A lot.]

“Anyway, you’ll come to the broadcasting station in the afternoon, right? You said you have the final interview today with Jihoon and Minseo.”

[Yes, I’ll be there later. But, that was originally… No.]

Jun suddenly cut off my words. It was already after I had spoken the preceding part. I asked Jun again.

“What was it originally?”

[I didn’t say anything, did I?]

“Don’t play around.”

A light laughter followed, and there was a brief silence. When I wondered how long that silence would last, Jun pushed through the silence and spoke.
[Well… originally, I was planning to give Haru the breakup part script you wrote for the final interview and ask for feedback.]

“Ah……”

The word “breakup,” the most sensitive to me right now, escaped from Jun’s mouth. A word I especially didn’t want to hear today.

[But, I’m really starting to dislike it. Whether it’s about the breakup or not, I was just holding onto those emotions when you weren’t by my side. Now, it’s honestly difficult to immerse myself in it properly. Because you’re with me now.]

The sentences Jun just uttered stretched out like a long line, tightly embracing my chest. Even if I try to create a gap in that oppressive feeling, recalling those sentences starts tightening it again.

Soon, at the end of that long line, the words Yoon Secretary told me yesterday continued extensively.

‘Director, now that your latest work has just succeeded. Phrases like “rising star,” “controversial work,” winning the Best Screenplay Director Award at the Japanese Film Festival—these labels will soon be removed. The next work is more important… There’s no reason for Director Kim Jun to settle in Korea as long as there’s Haru Lee. At least for the film director Kim Jun.’

There was no excess. Sentences that cleanly hit the key points. All true words. Words that easily entangled me.

Jun said. He doesn’t want to hold onto emotions like a breakup anymore. He can’t even immerse himself in those emotions anymore. The sense of crisis that Yoon Secretary felt from Jun who said that passed by. What significance could I, as Haru Lee, have for the film director Kim Jun? I feel like I want to collapse and cry.

“Well, then, what about that script today……”

As moist as my teary eyes, the words coming out of my throat were damp.

[I don’t know. I really don’t want to do it. It’s a big problem.]

Jun laughed as if this situation was quite amusing. But I couldn’t do that.

“…Yeah. That’s right, as expected.”

[Yeah. As expected.]